Sunday, December 9, 2012

He’ll be waiting for me on the rainbow bridge

It’s with heavy heart that I write this post. My dear husband left this earth for a better place at 10:12 this morning. One of the last things he said to me this past week is that he would be waiting for me on the rainbow bridge. These past 4 months we have grown so much closer, we talked about so many things, we loved, laughed, forgave and encouraged one another. Love is priceless!! I am thankful for our 43 years together. He would have been 65 on the 20th.

I did get some sleep last night.  I got to the hospital right around 7 this morning and he was awake and on morphine. They hadn’t done the MRI’s last night and I am glad they didn’t because I wouldn’t have been there. They did it this morning starting at 9:20, I was in the waiting room when I heard over the loud speaker, Rapid Response MRI 1, repeated several times. I quickly went down the hall and people were outside the door, and the dr. called me to her and said he was coding and what did they want me to do, and I said no machines, let him go. That’s what he wanted. He was ready to go home. We have living will declarations and I told them that and they said OK they understood.

He had a massive cancer in his bladder which had spread up his spine and had caused him to lose the ability to move. We didn’t know he had this, we thought this pain and his losing his mobility was all because of damaging his Trap muscle. They said if they had resuscitated him he would have been on tubes and a breathing machine and there wouldn’t have been anything they could do for him as the cancer was too far gone.

They asked me if I wanted to see him, and I asked that his eyes be closed. I went in he looked peaceful, I leaned over and kissed his cheek, he was still warm, and told him he was waiting for me on the rainbow bridge and I would meet him again yonder. He is no longer in pain, he is with His Maker, the Creator of the Universe and I look forward to the day we are reunited. I miss him terribly, and this is only the beginning.

The supervising nurse walked me back to his room, then out to my car. She said I showed an inner strength with the whole scene. I had stated what we wanted and I was her hero for the day. I told her I don’t know about being a hero, and that God is my inner strength.

I never posted his picture out of respect for is privacy, well, except for ones of him working on a project, and our wedding photo, which was ok with him, he just didn’t want any full facial views. This is a picture I happened to capture of him this summer when he was working on our neighbor’s roof, right before all of this started. I had the lens zoomed in on him, he looked up saw me and waved. I was thrilled with that. This photo is priceless to me.

Here he is, my dear DH, my love, my best friend who is waiting for me on the rainbow bridge.

06-06-dh

Just on the other side of "here" is a Rainbow, and a Bridge

a place where loved ones are reunited,

where there's no tears, no pain,

and good bye will never have to be heard again.

***

Keep me in your prayers.

FlowerLady Lorraine

69 comments:

Rebecca said...

Oh, dear Lorraine! I got back from church after I'd commented on your request for prayer. I've read this post to MY DH -- through tears.

Thank you for posting this picture (and I can kind of imagine how happy you are to have it!)

I kind of feel like I KNEW him. I've followed the progress on his backyard project very, very closely :)

I will not drop the ball praying for you. I love you as much as a person can love someone they've never met. How I wish you lived closer.

~Gardener on Sherlock Street said...

Hugs and blessings!

Kit said...

Oh my! I had no idea, that is why he was having such a time of it. I am so sorry for your loss my dear friend. I will be keeping you in my prayers and thoughts. I am so glad you came in here to tell us, so that we can be your strength. We are here for you! Love, Kit

Sunray Gardens said...

I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers continue for you.
Cher Sunray Gardens

Nancy J said...

Dear Lorraine, this has been coming for some time, your DH has been so brave, and yes, you are indeed a hero,You were there, so important,and your lovely photo is a memory forever. Hugs and prayers for you in the time ahead.xxx Jean.

lemonverbenalady said...

Oh, dearest Lorraine, my heart is breaking for you. I'm sure DH is in a better place and you will meet again at the Rainbow bridge! Love to you! I'm always here for you. Keep blogging it will get you through! xxoo Nancy & The Herbal Husband

Morning's Minion said...

I must have missed a post stating that your dear husband was ill, though I sensed stress in the ones I most recently read.
I am so sorry--and though it is easy to type or say those words, they go out with a sincerity of feeling.
Continue to cling to God--and to your friends--in these coming weeks.
Love,Sharon

Linda said...

Will continue to pray for you. Hugs. Yes, I hope you will continue to blog and let us know how you are doing.

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Dear Lorraine, I am so sorry.
Just checked to see if things were better. Thinking of you with prayer and love.
Wish I was near.
Love, Ernestine

denimflyz said...

I am in tears, FL, just tears,
I am with you in this time of need. Please remember this.
Love and Hugs
Denim

MandaBurms said...

Oh Lorraine - I am soo sorry to read this - your heart must be aching. ((HUGS))
A lovely photo you snapped of him, what a treasure.
With much love Leanne

Terra said...

Oh Flowerlady you are brave and bold to write this post, and though it is a time for tears, be sure he is indeed waiting for you on the Rainbow Bridge. I believe the angels and his loved ones in Heaven are celebrating his arrival.

eli said...

Oh Lorraine . . . I have tears running down my face and for the first time in ages am at a loss for words.

I am so very sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers ~

eli

rhonda jean said...

Dear Lorraine, I'm so sorry to read this sad, sad news. I'm thinking of you. ((Hugs))

Gayle said...

I am so sorry for your loss and how quickly this came to you. I wish that I was closer to lend a hand. Much love to you, Lorraine.

Balisha said...

There aren't enough words to express my sadness. I was stunned when I opened this post. You were the ideal couple to me. You could always read the love in your words.You two had created a little Heaven on earth for yourselves. I'm just so sorry...be strong and know that we here in blogland are caring and praying for you.
Love you, Balisha

Becky said...

Dearest Lorraine you are in my heart and mind and know that I am thinking of you and praying for strength. (((HUGS))))

Val said...

Lorraine, my sweet friend! I'm so sorry. And shocked: I didn't even know he was sick. I'm so sorry. You are in my prayers, and I send your husband love and a peaceful and love-filled transition, as well. He is with you always. He always sounded like a pure gem of a man, friend, and husband.

Hugs and so much love to you, ♥

Val

Lynn said...

Lorraine, I am so very sorry to read this message. It's a great picture. The two of you always sent a special message. You are in my prayers.

Mrs. E said...

I am so sorry you lost your handsome husband, but I so admire your attitude. I am teary reading this beautiful post--and you will be in my prayers sweet lady.

Jen @ Muddy Boot Dreams said...

Lorraine, I am so very sorry, words are really not enough right now.

Know that you are in our prayers...

Jen

Sandy said...

Dear Lorraine, I am just so saddened and shocked to read this. I didn't know your husband was even ill. I will keep you in my prayers and please know I am here if you need to "talk". I love you, dear sister.
Sandy

L. D. Burgus said...

I am so very sorry. It is so hard to express anything that will meet with your loss. I was a widower when I was 30 years old and having people around who care is important. I was very concerned when you had written that he was taken to the hospital. God's peace be with you.
Larry

sallysmom said...

Dearest Lorraine, we are all here lifting you up in prayer. God is there holding your hand and will guide you along this difficult path.

sweetbay said...

Oh no, words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss! I will be thinking of you.

Love always,
Alicia

Karen said...

Dear Lorraine, my deepest sympathy. I am so sorry to hear this. I wish I lived closer so I could lend you a hand and a shoulder. You and DH had such a wonderful marriage and partnership that inspired all who know you. Thank goodness for the wonderful photo you have; what a precious memento. Please, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. When you feel up to it, I do so hope you will private message me. I feel as if I have lost a dear friend today. God bless you.

Susan said...

Lorraine...I am so sad to hear about your DH and so worried about you. I know you are a strong person and have a tremendous faith that will sustain you during this trying time. My heart goes out to you and I will keep you in my prayers. Please contact me if there's anything I can do. Stay strong and God will provide.

Sandra said...

Oh my dear sweet friend Lorraine, I had no idea he was even sick. My heart is just broken reading this, I am so very sorry, I don't even know what to say.

No words could be enough to express.

I'm praying for you and sending you strength through this difficult time. You are in my thoughts.

HUGE hugs,
Sandra

Darla said...

Oh it is with regret that I finally visit blogs, sigh. Much love and many prayers for your continued peace that surpasses understanding....

Mrs. Mac said...

My deepest sympathies .. and I do know where your peace comes from. May He strengthen you as you walk this journey. Love,

Maria said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time.xx

Pam :) said...

Dear Lorraine, I am soo sorry, my sincerest symphony's for your loss.
You are a woman of extraordinary courage.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

organicgardendreams said...

Dear Lorraine,
I am very sorry for your loss! I hope you find strength and consolation in your faith in this very difficult time. I am also wishing you that you might be supported by people, who are close to you.
Christina

Annie said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you....

Tufa Girl said...

Dear Lorraine,
Not a frequent commenter but a frequent reader. I am so sorry to hear of your loss but happy to hear you had the time to "heal" before his passing. My Mother In Law went through the same timeline with her husband 3 years ago (found the cancer too late but had time to decide their futures). It was hard but we all knew and made the most of the time we had and all made our peace.

Love to you and strength for each day to come.

Cindy (TufaGirl)

Leslie said...

Lorraine, I am so sorry. I am thinking of you.

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Continued prayers
sent you way.

Antique ART Garden said...

I am sobbing for you,I am so , so very sorry. He was your world, you two were always such a source of special joy for me( and a touch of envy ), with such evident love. There are truly no words, you are in shock right now, and this holiday season will be dark for you. I did not know any of this, as I have been remiss in my post reading.I wish I could hug you , you know I have been in your shoes, and my heart breaks agin with yours.My prayers ,and love go to you, Gina

Darcie said...

Dearest FlowerLady,

I sat here speechless, with tears streaming down my face while I read this post. I am so very sorry for your loss, and though I have never met you IRL, my heart is crying for you this morning. I wish I could wrap you in a hug, but want you to know that you will be in my prayers. Just to leave you with a comforting thought, "When we see the sunset in ones life here, heaven is watching the sunrise." Love to you my friend.

Amrita said...

My dearest Lorraine, i did not know your dear husband was ill. I am so sorry to hear this. You both were so brave. May God comfort you my sister, your beloved is safe in the arms of Jesus. Lots of love and hugs

Lona said...

Oh my dear Lorraine. I am just so sorry to hear this heartbreaking news. All of my love and pryers are with you. Hang in there honey.

ChrisC said...

Dear Flower Lady-
I am sending you all my prayers and love.You are right.DH is pain free and with God,watching over you.
Peace.


Liz said...

Lorraine, I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how you must feel, but I'm praying for you, and for your husband.

Jillayne said...

This is the saddest and most beautiful post. I am so sorry to hear of your beloved husband Lorraine, and for the burden you now carry. The dignity of your words and actions, both of yours are most lovingly expressed....
I will be thinking of you and praying for you both.

David - Pinewood Cottage said...

You are in our prayers. So sorry for your loss - but I am glad you knew exactly what your husband's wishes were and you won't seceond guess yourself.

Tori Peterson said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss!
I know there's really nothing that anyone can say to make things better, but by all our comments at least you know there are those that care. My prayers are with you, and I understand your husband's wishes. We lost my mother-in-law a couple years ago to cancer and she didn't want to be on machines either.
He will always be with you in spirit and in your heart no matter what. You have such a strength that shows through your writing, and I admire you greatly without ever even having met you. I am one of your new followers, and you are in our prayers.

Carla said...

My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry for your loss.

Deepest sympathy.

Jenny wren's nest said...

Wow what a precious tribute to your life long friend.
I will be praying for you.
Jenny

mary_smith said...

I feel like I have gotten to know you both through your blog. I'm always showing my soon-to-be hubby your amazing work on the caravan. We love the cat pictures.
You are a strong woman and Thank you for sharing.
Love, Mary

~Gardener on Sherlock Street said...

Just checking in to send you another hug. [hug] Wish I could come by and offer more.

Maryann said...

I am so sorry for your loss

tina said...

My heart breaks for your loss. So very very sorry.

Heather said...

May the memories of the love, happiness and wonderful memories you shared together guide you and comfort you through this sad time... thinking of you at this time! Hugs.

erin said...

i am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved husband...what a great photo of him.
erin
xxoo

Catherine@AGardenerinProgress said...

Lorraine, I am so, so sorry to read about your husband. It was evident in your posts how much you loved each other. I will be keeping you in my prayers and sending you a hug.
Catherine

Autumn Belle said...

FlowerLady, I am so sorry to know about your DH's passing. I was reading your latest post and about your converted caravan when I realised something precious is missing from your life. I want you to know that although I am far far away in Malaysia and we may never meet, I treat you as my friend and I have always looked upon your (you and your DH) life story as a good example to emulate. Such a loving couple. But God has other plans, so DH is waiting at Rainbow Bridge, now he will be your guardian angel. Do take good care of yourself, because this is what DH wants you to do too. I'm glad you have started a new blog, another chapter in your book of life. I am so sorry for being late. You are my hero, and (((Hugs)))

kimberly i. said...

Dear Rainey...I just came over to visit your blog and found your journey had taken quite a turn. I am so sorry for your loss of your best friend and companion. I will definitely keep you in my prayers and hug you from Texas. xoxo

Marti said...

I am so very, very sorry. I had no idea until I saw your post today. Tears are streaming down my face as I read what you have gone through these past months, and in the time since he passed. I feel very self-absorbed that I noticed the changes in your posts but never went back to see the reason until today.

You are such a strong, and courageous woman. I'm praying for you as you face all the tough times in the next days and months.

Corner Gardener Sue said...

Hi Lorraine,
Tears have been streaming down my face, too, as I was scrolling down the posts, and then reading this one. That is a good photo. I can see gentleness in his face. I am so sorry for your loss!

God bless you as you mourn, and may you find comfort to get through the holidays. I will be praying for you.

Hugs,
Sue

Tatyana@MySecretGarden said...

Lorraine, I am so sorry, I've just learned about your loss. My Mom had the same type of cancer, very rare type. I don't know what to say. Our loved ones wanted us to be happy. It's difficult to be happy without them. But, maybe, we need to try...
Hugs,
Tatyana

Skeeter said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear DH... I am happy to see your inner strength and faith helping you through this. May God watch over you until you meet your DH once again at the Rainbow Bridge....

Ami said...

Dear Lorraine: I have been away from blog for a long time. Today I thought check it out during my lunch time, and felt something happened to you in your most recent post about the get-together with your nephew. Then I noticed you changed your "About me" section. Oh, I am so sorry about your loss! Through your blog, I could feel the love between you and your DH. I just read more of your December posts, and you are remarkble woman and a hero to me! I don't know if I would have such strength that you are having to deal with a loss like this. But I can see you are still trying to live your life the way that you are your husband has been living, and the way that your DH would have wished you for. My dear, please accept my warmest wish, and a big hug and kiss from you. Wish you a good new year!

Ami

NanaK said...

Oh, Flower Lady, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have been away from blogging for many months due to being way too busy. I was notified by a fellow blogger about your DHs passing. I have been praying for you. I have been catching up with your blog and am glad to see you are keeping on enjoying your sanctuary and the things you have always loved to do. I absolutely LOVE that photo of your husband - what a gift from God for you!

Susan Hook said...

The words that you have written were so moving and beautiful, your faith and love for him will see you through this sad time and the thought that you will always have the special place at rainbow bridge.
Take care
Susan x

Sissy said...

I am so so sorry to read this news. It seemed to me that you two were always working together on your caravan, when I last visited your blog.
I am just one in a long line of the many people who have wished hugs and prayers and peace for you. I will lift you in prayer, and pray that the Peace that surpasses all understanding live within your heart and your mind.

Randy said...

I'm so sorry to just read about your husband. I had no idea... you are a strong woman to continue on like you do. Jamie died the 25th of February and some days I find it hard to get up and get going. My sincerest prayers are with you.

Karen @ Pieces of Contentment said...

That was so sudden, what a shock it must have been. As you say though, no more pain and suffering which is something to be grateful for. You gave him (and yourself) the best quality of life for the longest time possible.

milaca said...

Merhaba Lorraine; acınızı tazelemekten çok üzgünüm, bloğunda gezerken sizin hayat arkadaşınızı kaybettiğinizi ona ithafen yazdıklarınızı okudum çok etkilendim, kalbiniz acımış, sabır edin Tanrı sabır etmeyide bizlere büyük bir güç olarak vermiştir.
Sevgilerimle.

Tammy@Simple Southern Happiness said...

He is a very handsome man and you were truly blessed to have those many years with him. YES, GOD does give us strength and its what I pray for. We honor GOD when we show strength that others can see. We then can tell them of our Lord and how His grace helps us get through life's challenges. I am asking GOD for that strenght and I have faith.