Tuesday, October 29, 2013

After…

Good morning Folks ~ This is a new day, the morning after a big crying meltdown last evening.  It is a bright, sunshiny morning, birds are singing and I’ve a soothing you-tube video on my lap top. I came out to the caravan with my second/final cup of coffee for the morning, for a switch of scenery.  This is the last project Mark and I were working on together.  Unfinished so far, as I’ve a bunch of other stuff that I need to work on.  All in good time this will be finished.  It’s a sweet space.  A piece of junk, refurbished and turned into a little happy spot. Once finished, we were going to sleep out here while we worked on the bedroom in the cottage, laying flooring and doing walls, but alas.  We don’t know why things work out the way they do, but my belief is that God knows and He brought me to this place in my life to draw me closer to Him. Mark is with God in a much better place than here. May I be a light to others as to the goodness of God, in our darkest moments.

I cried so much and so hard last night my stomach ached and I just plain ol’ hurt. One of my worst bouts of grief yet. I was going to call Dotti, the founder of our widow’s group, but was just sobbing too much.  I prayed that maybe she would call me, well, she didn’t call me but she emailed me and that was better as I was a sobbing mess.  She emailed me a piece about ‘getting over it’.  Not something we can do or should do.  It was just what I needed. I ended up posting it in our Friends Needing Friends, widow’s blog and you can read the piece here if you wish to.

After a nice shower, and a cup of peppermint/green tea, and taking a St. John’s wort capsule and a Vit. C, and acidophilus I crawled into bed with a book I am re-reading, 'The Widow Directed to the Widow's God', by John Angell James. By lights out, my heart and mind were much calmer and I had a good sleep.  I am thankful for that and this new day and my many blessings.

Here are some photos I took this morning.

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Through the door window,

you can see a little garden area I made yesterday with container plants.

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Looking east to the clothesline area.

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Yesterday I did more weeding in front of this building, you can see it piled up on the driveway runner.  I also hung two iron pieces on the wall, an old wheel above the big wheel, and an old car tire rim next to it on the bottom.  The grass is like straw these days as we’ve not had any rain in weeks now.  I don’t water anything back there except for potted plants and garden beds.

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This is looking southwest towards the workshop.

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Little container garden.

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Mark bought me the shell birdbath a few years ago for my birthday when we stopped at a yard sale.  He got it for $5.

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Well, the sun is rising higher, I need to wash and hang out some laundry, eat breakfast and do more puttering.

Whatever you do today, count your blessings, look for the good and beauteous, and enjoy. Ask for strength and peace and healing when you need it.

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

21 comments:

Catsngrams said...

I am also grieving I lost my best friend Saturday. We had just gone shopping on Friday and she went to bed and never woke up. I feel so lost without her I can imagine how you feel without your spouse. God bless you and take you in your arms.

Flower Freak said...

My heart goes out to you for your great loss! We know that God is in charge but sometimes it's hard to understand what He's doing!
Our 39yr old son-in-law died suddenly last April and my daughter is slowly working through the grief and shock.....
I continue to repeat the mantra, "God is good all the time.".
Your yard is lovely. You've had some really creative ideas and I love the van......God Bless!

Nancy J said...

Lorraine, let your grief be there when it has to, the next day will bring more healing as you walk in your garden, read our words, and know your faith is true. Lovely place to be, and Mark's work and love is always there. Maybe this was the plan, that unfinished projects would give your hands jobs to do, a need to be busy, and when you write of this, gives us all an insight into grief, being alone, and your wonderful inner strength. Much love, Jean.

crafty cat corner said...

Lorraine, my heart goes out to you, I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling. I'm so glad you have God to help you along the way and I am sending lots of warm healing thoughts your way.
Briony
x

Sallysmom said...

Thank you for sharing. You never know that the words you write might be the very words someone needs to read.

Betty W said...

I couldn't help but cry as I read this post. The first year is the hardest when you lose someone you love. I wish I could be there to give you a great big hug.

Rebecca said...

Oh, that sounds SO hard, Lorraine. I'm so sorry.

But you MUST know how much I love the look into the caravan! What a transformation. (I'm trying to figure out a way to see it in person!)

Ruth's Photo Blog said...

I understand those intense crying spells,have had my share of them.Thank the Lord they are so much less now.This in no way means that I don't miss Jake but I am better able to cope and you will as well. All in due time and with the Lord's help.

Annie said...

A big loving hug this morning all the way from Australiaxxx

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Just stopped by
to enjoy all you have created
and say
you are appreciated and
loved
more then you know...

Deb said...

God bless and watch over you and heal your broken heart. You have a sweet little home and garden. You are so creative. I love the bird bath and the container garden. God keep you and help you to know that you will see and be with your husband again some day. Love from Arizona!

Betsy Adams said...

Bless your heart, Lorraine. I hurt FOR you. Wish I could take away your grief ---but as you say, it's normal --so I'm glad you can get the tears and pain OUT. Crying is good for us! AND--today is a brand new day. We'll put our feet on the floor and have the best day possible. Right????

God Bless.
Hugs,
Betsy

Susan said...

Oh dear sweet flower lady, please know that you are such a blessing to all who read your blog. I'm glad that today is a better day.

Darcie said...

A line of a hymn we sing came to mind as I read your post, "Let sorrow do it's work, come grief or pain." True sorrow is nothing but hard, but their is a work being done through it all, and those that experience sorrow(I believe all of us will), come out stronger when we allow Him to help us through it. I know we all wish we could take away your pain, but remember you are loved by so many!

Leslie said...

Love and hugs to you, dear Lorraine. I think you are very brave and admire you a great deal.

Kit said...

So sorry you had a bad bout. Sending lots of hugs your way. Love, Kit

Gardener on Sherlock Street said...

{Hug}

Take care of yourself. Glad the day dawned happier and how neat to see the views from your little trailer.

gld said...

Sorry you had such a bad evening but I know they can't be avoided.

I do love that last project you and Mark worked on...what a sweet nest and retreat.

Sandra @ Thistle Cove Farm said...

Those rotten, stinking women who will snug up against their husbands tonight and yet tell us, "time to get over it", need to be slapped. I volunteer! -grin-
IT TAKES AS LONG AS IT TAKES and no one, save God, or nothing, save the Holy Spirit, can hasten the process. I'm coming up on 2 years, 11/5, of Dave's death and it's still difficult, it's still horrible and I still hate it. But, the good news is I've not collapsed in the floor, sobbing my heart out, dogs and cats licking my tears, in months. Bless God!
The Sunday after I buried Dave, I brought home the 1963 Scotty canned ham we'd bought three weeks earlier. He never saw it.
"God is Able" became my mantra these past several years. God is able so I cast my cares on Him because He cares for me.
God is able.

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

You are so talented
and so helpful to me
and many.
My sadness not from a death
but other matters with those that live and past sad memories
Take care
and wish I was near to
have a cup of tea with you,
hug you and pray with you...

Here I Am Carrie said...

A good cry was just what you may have needed. I am so glad you are feeling God's comfort and know that you don't have to feel alone. I love your little get away place. Sometime being in a very small area can be comforting like being wrap in a blanket. Ah but a nice view out all the window. Your place really is looking nice. You really are making great progress. Your plants and other work will keep you going as will God's hand guiding you along. Sending lot of hugs...