This coming Sunday would have been our 44th anniversary, and is my first one without my dear husband. I am really feeling my loss this week.
Keep me in your prayers. A widow friend just told me that the ‘firsts’ without our husbands are the worst and she said the days leading up to the ‘day’ are pretty bad. She’s oh so right.
I am very thankful for the 43 years we had together. My husband was taken home to be with his creator God and I am still here to carry on by faith knowing God will not let me down, or leave me.
Here is a writing I found in March and looking for something to put in this post, this touched my heart again as it did then, maybe even more so, as a little time has gone by now in this new life I’m living.
by J. R. Miller, 1912
There is something in bereavement, which makes it mean a great deal in a woman's life. It is a sore disappointment. Dreams of love's happiness are shattered. The beauty in her home, in her wedded joy, in her social life, in the development of her plans and hopes—is suddenly left to wither. Very great is the sorrow—when one of two lovers is taken and the other left. Widowhood is very desolate and lonely.
Just how shall she meet her perplexities. She is a Christian. She knows that her husband was God's child, and she is comforted by the thought that he is not dead—but has only passed into the immortal life. She is comforted also in her own grief, by the truth of the divine love, that her sorrow was no accident, that her bereavement was not the plan of God to break up the goodness and beauty of her life, that nothing has really gone wrong in the plan of Christ for her. But the question presses itself upon her mind—I am sure it has done so a thousand times—How am I to go on in this broken life of mine? What am I to do in my shattering and bereavement?
Her life is not finished.
What does Christ want her to do with her life? What does he want her to do with the broken dreams that lie shattered about her feet? These questions, and questions like these—are coming to her every day and every night. This is the deeper meaning of her sorrow. Sometimes women in her position see no brightness, find no hope, think the story all written out to the finish, their dream only shattered, and sink away into despair. But that is not the way to meet a sorrow like this. The story of her life is not finished. God's plan for her was not spoiled, when her sorrow came and interrupted everything, leaving her in darkness. The sorrow was only an accident in the plan. It was not a surprise to God, and his plan for her life runs on to the end of her years.
What the remainder of the plan is, she does not know for the present. She must not know. It is not best that she should know. Her faith must not fail, she must not despair. She must go on in trust and confidence. What then is her part?
First, faith in Christ. Believe that all these broken things are in his hands. Let her remember what he said after the miracle of the loaves—"Gather up the broken pieces which remain, that nothing be lost." That is what he is saying to her today. Let her gather up the broken pieces, from this miracle of love and happiness. Let nothing she has had these days of joy, of blessing, of experience, be lost. Let her keep all the fragments.
The next thing is for her to recommit her life—with its grief, its disappointments, its desolation, its broken things—all to Christ. She must not herself undertake to rebuild it. She must not make plans of her own for the years to come. She never needed Christ more than she needs him now, and will need him in the days and the months before her. She must let him lead her, let him plan for her, mark out the way. He must build the life for her. He must have much of the love she has to give.
Courage and unselfishness are developed by great sorrow or suffering.
Let God—through your bereavement—bring out the finer and nobler qualities in you.
I do wish to be made into a finer and nobler FlowerLady. Living each day trusting in Jesus to tenderly care for me as he has done in the past, but trusting him all the more now that I am alone.
I am planning to fix my favorite happy meal, tacos. My husband enjoyed these too. This anniversary celebration I just don’t feel like making a ‘special’ dinner for one. I bought the makings to fix a margarita to have with my supper celebration too. That was our favorite drink for special occasions.
I love my husband more than ever and miss him every day. Grieving is strange and everyone goes through it differently. I have up and I have down days, and more days that are feeling more the new normal, which is good.
Thank you all for being so supportive, you mean a lot to me.
Here are ‘lovebirds’ in my collection.