Wednesday, September 4, 2013

This week is rough

 

This coming Sunday would have been our 44th anniversary, and is my first one without my dear husband. I am really feeling my loss this week.

Keep me in your prayers. A widow friend just told me that the ‘firsts’ without our husbands are the worst and she said the days leading up to the ‘day’ are pretty bad.  She’s oh so right.

I am very thankful for the 43 years we had together. My husband was taken home to be with his creator God and I am still here to carry on by faith knowing God will not let me down, or leave me.

Here is a writing I found in March and looking for something to put in this post, this touched my heart again as it did then, maybe even more so, as a little time has gone by now in this new life I’m living.

***

After Bereavement—What?

by J. R. Miller, 1912

There is something in bereavement, which makes it mean a great deal in a woman's life. It is a sore disappointment. Dreams of love's happiness are shattered. The beauty in her home, in her wedded joy, in her social life, in the development of her plans and hopes—is suddenly left to wither. Very great is the sorrow—when one of two lovers is taken and the other left. Widowhood is very desolate and lonely.

Just how shall she meet her perplexities. She is a Christian. She knows that her husband was God's child, and she is comforted by the thought that he is not dead—but has only passed into the immortal life. She is comforted also in her own grief, by the truth of the divine love, that her sorrow was no accident, that her bereavement was not the plan of God to break up the goodness and beauty of her life, that nothing has really gone wrong in the plan of Christ for her. But the question presses itself upon her mind—I am sure it has done so a thousand times—How am I to go on in this broken life of mine? What am I to do in my shattering and bereavement?

Her life is not finished.

What does Christ want her to do with her life? What does he want her to do with the broken dreams that lie shattered about her feet? These questions, and questions like these—are coming to her every day and every night. This is the deeper meaning of her sorrow. Sometimes women in her position see no brightness, find no hope, think the story all written out to the finish, their dream only shattered, and sink away into despair. But that is not the way to meet a sorrow like this. The story of her life is not finished. God's plan for her was not spoiled, when her sorrow came and interrupted everything, leaving her in darkness. The sorrow was only an accident in the plan. It was not a surprise to God, and his plan for her life runs on to the end of her years.

What the remainder of the plan is, she does not know for the present. She must not know. It is not best that she should know. Her faith must not fail, she must not despair. She must go on in trust and confidence. What then is her part?

First, faith in Christ. Believe that all these broken things are in his hands. Let her remember what he said after the miracle of the loaves—"Gather up the broken pieces which remain, that nothing be lost." That is what he is saying to her today. Let her gather up the broken pieces, from this miracle of love and happiness. Let nothing she has had these days of joy, of blessing, of experience, be lost. Let her keep all the fragments.

The next thing is for her to recommit her life—with its grief, its disappointments, its desolation, its broken things—all to Christ. She must not herself undertake to rebuild it. She must not make plans of her own for the years to come. She never needed Christ more than she needs him now, and will need him in the days and the months before her. She must let him lead her, let him plan for her, mark out the way. He must build the life for her. He must have much of the love she has to give.

Courage and unselfishness are developed by great sorrow or suffering.

Let God—through your bereavement—bring out the finer and nobler qualities in you.

***

I do wish to be made into a finer and nobler FlowerLady.  Living each day trusting in Jesus to tenderly care for me as he has done in the past, but trusting him all the more now that I am alone.

I am planning to fix my favorite happy meal, tacos.  My husband enjoyed these too.  This anniversary celebration I just don’t feel like making a ‘special’ dinner for one. I bought the makings to fix a margarita to have with my supper celebration too. That was our favorite drink for special occasions.

I love my husband more than ever and miss him every day. Grieving is strange and everyone goes through it differently. I have up and I have down days, and more days that are feeling more the new normal, which is good.

Thank you all for being so supportive, you mean a lot to me.

FlowerLady

Here are ‘lovebirds’ in my collection.

09-05-lovebirds

09-05-lovebirds4

09-05-lovebirds2

09-05-lovebirds5

09-05-lovebirds6

09-05-lovebirds7

09-05-lovebirds8

09-05-lovebirds9

***

09-07-love-is-forever

23 comments:

Maryann said...

Will be keeping you in my prayers dear FlowerLady

Gardener on Sherlock Street said...

{Hug}

Julie said...

Best wishes during these hard times. I love your Love Birds collection! I think it signifies you and your husbands deep love together! That embroidery in your last photo is very sweet!

Ruth's Photo Blog said...

My heart goes out to you. That first anniversary is so hard.I remember just wanting to cry in the days leading up to that day.I pray that you will feel an extra touch from God in these difficult days.The sun will shine brightly again,even if for a spell it is hidden behind clouds.

Deb said...

Prayers going out to you today. God bless you.

It's Just Dottie said...

Oh sweet friend I know it is so hard
I pray that God will carry this burden for you and that you will peace. After ten years I still miss my Marvin but it does not hurt as much.
Dottie

Nancy J said...

I did a lengthy comment... it all vanishes, so here is another try. My dearest fondest wishes for you, on another special day, each one will have its own grief, your faith is so strong, and your love for DH always with you, those lovely love birds, my favourite, the ones looking up at a vase of flowers. Many caring thoughts, specially today, Jean.

Gary said...

Hang in there Flowerlady. Have a blessed and peaceful meal.

Rose ~ from Oz said...

I empathise deeply with all you have shared in this post Lorraine, and all I can say is you are in my thoughts, my prayers and sending all of my love and understanding across the miles to you.
Rose
xx

Betty said...

I will keep you in my prayers. The first year is the worst when we lose loved ones. You had a very long life together, but still that does not help with the pain now.

One thing that may help is to get out your photo albums and go down memory lane and remember all the good times you had. I did that alot the first year I lost my mother and it helped alittle.

Sallysmom said...

My husband and I on Oct. 9 will be married 43 years. My childhood is like an entirely different life - almost like something I read in a book. I will be thinking of you on Sunday and praying for strength for you.

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

You are in my prayers.
Take care...

Elizabeth (eli) said...

My Mom has been a widow for seven years after 55 years of marriage - and she still has her days, which is certainly to be expected. But that first year truly was the hardest. My thoughts are with you dear Rainey.

You know I just love your "lovebird" collection, but photos number 4 and 5 are just beautiful!

May the coming week bring you peace in the knowledge that you shared 43 years with your best friend and that is a blessing not many can attest to.

Love and Hugs,

eli

Balisha said...

Sending hugs and prayers your way.
Balisha

ChrisC said...

Sending hugs and prayers your way.
Dear Loraine,tho we have never met,know that there are people out there who care about you and have your back.

Leslie said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are already a very fine and noble FlowerLady, someone we all care about very much!

Darcie said...

I most certainly will be keeping you in my prayers, and sending so many thoughts your way. (((hugs)))

Susan Elliott said...

Though your grief may seem unbearable at times, it is so very beautiful in a way. You carry it because you continue to love him so very much.

You are a most noble and fine Flower Lady BECAUSE you carry your grief so honestly and openly. It's very real to feel it all completely...and I'm sure you feel some comfort after a good cry. Have a beautiful special dinner with your husband, margarita and all. He's there with you, just on another plane. Much love to you, beautiful Lorraine, Susan

tina said...

Hang in there! One day at a time...

Susan said...

I don't know of anyone else who is as noble and fine as you dear Flowerlady. Even though it may be a difficult weekend, please know that your husband is there with you --- there is but a thin veil separating Heaven and Earth. Hugs and much love to you!

Bernie H said...

Thinking of you. I know the day will be filled with sadness and longing, but I do hope the day will be also filled with lots of joy at the wonderful memories of anniversaries past.

I think noble and fine suits you perfectly!

GRACE PETERSON said...

Hi Lorraine, you are so poignant and strong even at your most vulnerable. With your ups and downs, learning the new normal, your faith is strong and you are such a great example to all of us. I know God is surrounding you with His love. I'm giving you a hug right now, my friend as you get through this painful "first."

Becky said...

I want to wish you a wonderful day of celebration of the Love everlasting. It has not gone and he will be with you in Spirit always.