Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Strong, courageous, surely you don’t mean me?

 

Dear Friends ~ I am sitting here with tears streaming as I just can’t seem to stop them, then sobs burst forth from my heart and soul. For some reason the last two days and today already too, have been filled with my cries and prayers to God to help me get through this. There are no words to describe the pain and loss.

Others who have lost their spouses say it gets easier with time, and I am doing my best to take things one day at a time, moment by moment.

Scripture, comments and emails, kind words, songs, seeing something, all can make me weep. I have times during the day when I’m not a soggy mess, and those are good times. Times I am thankful for. Even when I’m feeling at my worst, I thank God for everything. He has blessed me with this life of mine. He knew me before I was even born, He knew that Mark and I would meet, fall in love and marry, He knew when it was time to take Mark home and He knows all that I am going through now with this horrible loss. He knows my needs better than I do, and He really IS my strength when I am weak, as without Him I would be a big fat zero, zilch, nothing.

I just wanted to let you all know that when you see courage and strength, it’s not me, it’s Someone BIGGER than me, carrying me every step of the way.

With writing this, my crying jag of the moment has ended, my heart feels somewhat lighter and I need to go get a load of laundry going, do some baking and enjoy the day.

Love and hugs to all of you ~ FlowerLady Lorraine

***

Pleasure is the flower that passes;

remembrance, the lasting perfume.

Jean de Boufflers

01-23-not-sure

30 comments:

Sandra said...

Oh sweet Lorraine, I'm so sorry :(

It really is a long process and you'll have good days and bad days. We're here to help you in any way we can.

Sending lots of prayers and hugs your way.

Tatyana@MySecretGarden said...

Lorraine,
Your writing reminded me of 'Footprints'. I'm sure you know it.
Wish you the best and think of you often.

Maryann said...

Praying for you sweet lady.

Gary said...

One day at a time Lorraine. I posted a letter off to you a couple of days ago. Take care.

MandaBurms said...

((HUGS))) I am sure days like these are going to creep up on you. It is healthy to cry and let your heart be sad. Much much better that keeping it all in.
Lots of love Leanne

Marti said...

Your post reminds me of this verse: Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

{{{Lorraine}}}

Rebecca said...

I remember a song from many years back that had a line: "Tears are a language God understands."

It WILL be worth it all when we see Jesus...one glimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase. So bravely run the race 'til we see Christ!

Annie said...

Love you!

Sandy said...

There was a day in history where a very special man bore all of the sorrow and pains that creation would ever experience. He felt your grief. He felt your sorrow. He felt your weakness. And then He turned around and gave you His joy, His strength, His peace. Let Him hold you thru the hard days and just know that He understands. He loves you.

Ruth's Photo Blog said...

From one widow to another,let the tears flow and don't ever apologize for them. Trust me,when I say the crying will get less,but not for a while.One day you WILL laugh again and it will come from the heart,enjoy that feeling when it happens.God gave us tears as well as smiles,so He understands those tears when our words fail.I wish I could come and sit with you and cry right along with you.Hugs.

Lynn said...

To answer your title question. Yes, Lorraine, we do. Take care.

the Goodwife said...

Oh Flowerlady! It's been so long since I've read any blogs, and this is the first post that I saw when I went on blogger. I'm so sorry for your loss, but so happy to know that you are relying on God to get you through. I know that Mark is tending a beautiful garden in Heaven and will be waiting there for you when God calls you home. Blessings and comfort to you!

sweetbay said...

There's no weakness in crying. You're grieving and you have to get it out.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this..

Sandy said...

Yes, our strength comes from the Lord, but you are doing a good job of yielding and letting Him impart that supernatural strength. I can't imagine what you're feeling, but just know you are loved and being prayed for by so many who find you very dear.
Love,
Sandy

Carol- Beads and Birds said...

There are stages of grief that come naturally and help the healing process. So many of us are praying for your peace of mind.
xx, Carol

sharon said...

its all sinking in now the reality..animals grieve too...it is normal, expeced and a release for the changes that we have no control over...if the crying gets too often..there are meds to help with you balance of chemicals...

Nancy J said...

Strong, yes, full of courage, yes, thankful for us out here, yes, and I hope we can all continue to love, cherish, support and care for you through your days of overwhelming loss and grief.Let tears fall, they are healing, tell us all, we care so much. Lots of hugs and love, Jean.

Heather said...

Dear Lorraine... let the tears flow, it is only in your private time that you can really let yourself go and grieve to its full extent... there is no shame in the tears, there is only healing! You will get through this, believe in yourself as you believe in God! Hugs dear friend!

lemonverbenalady said...

Just know the blogging community loves you and hopes that you will continue to be strong and courageous! Sending positive freezing breezes your way every day! xxoo LVL and The Herbal Husband

Rose ~ from Oz said...

I'm still here too and I"m not going anywhere, just like these other wonderful people who so obviously love and care for you.
Hugs
Rose

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Lorraine, have had a few bad days
and checking in.
I do not know what anyone does without continual prayer. It is what keeps me going.
You are loved by many
and most of all God loves you
and will continue to strengthen you.
Love from one understands...

Karen said...

Dear Lorraine, sending you hugs and prayers. Things here got a bit hectic, but I will write tomorrow. I'm thinking of you every day, dear friend. God bless you.

gld said...

I am thinking of you and can only imagine how you are feeling.

Balisha said...

Hi Lorraine,
Just mailed something to you.Hope the rest of your day is better.
Hugs...Balisha

Friko said...

Good days and bad days, thankful days and sorrowful days, all are part of creation.
I hold you in my heart and hope that you are indeed a strong lady, even though you do not think so yourself.

~Gardener on Sherlock Street said...

Hugs and prayers.
You have so much to give to those around you. Take what you need too.

It's Just Dottie said...

I lost my husband ten years ago. He was young and so any I . It does get easier with time but life is not the same. I am crying with you and praying for you.
Hugs, Dottie

Andrea said...

Dear Lorraine, I am not a regular follower but i've always been for a time. I just read your comment in Karen's Quarry Glass, so i clicked on your early Dec post and read the Dec 8 and 9th. That was so quick for your DH. All of us will be going there, just not at the same time, and you are so blessed for being with him all throughout. Everything will pass, you are just still in the grieving process, let it all come out, and eventually you will enter the next phase! My positive thoughts and prayers go with you, I hope I am not very late. Take care and God bless.

Antique ART Garden said...

there are no words for the agonizing pain you are in. To say it will get easier, it will abate, your mind cannot comprehend right now. You need ot go join a small or large chucrh near you. You need to get in a small bible study or greive support group( hospitals offer then too all free).Get out of the house, and mayeb re-arrange some furniture when you get back, to ' change ' your outward eye view of your home a little.Some of these things ' trick' our mind to stop triggering pain. Love you, Gina

Kit said...

Hang in there. There are going to be many days of that feeling, but it is true, they will diminish with time. When I think back to the loved ones I have lost, I can now remember them without tears and with smiles. It will take some time with you, since your whole day was wrapped up with Mark's life. Getting into new routines is good, as is trying new things. Love you, Kit