Tuesday, January 15, 2013

One day at a time

 

Good afternoon Folks ~ It’s around 20 minutes until 4 p.m. I’ve just started browning some Jimmy Dean sage sausage, will add onion, celery, and dark turkey meat, some chicken bouillon, flour to thicken then add some mixed veggies, so that I can make some turkey pot pies. I never got to make any for ‘us’ using my new little pot pie pans. So, this will be bittersweet, as a lot of things are lately. Part of my new journey. Anyway, it ought to start smelling yummy in here in a bit.

This morning I mowed, tomorrow I will weedwack,

01-15-driveway

then I tackled the bougainvillea and Louis Philippe rose.

~ Before ~

01-13-boug-louis

~ After ~

01-15-shed-gard

~ Before ~

01-13-cuttings

~ After ~

01-15-east-patio

It feels good to have that monster Hamelia paten a.k.a. Firebush cut back. I still do have one rose cane to tackle tomorrow morning before or after weedwacking. I’ve got to pot the two vines in larger pots and get them going up either side of the entry way to my little shed.

It is nice having such mild weather to do all this. I see more than I need to cut back before it gets too hot. Some of you have voiced concern for me not to do too much. Gardening soothes me, if I sat around here doing nothing, I would go downhill into depression, and that’s not the way I want to go. Mark wouldn’t want me to do that either. He would want me to do exactly what I am doing.  I am not rushing, I am taking my time. I am ever thankful for the gardens. I told Mark many, many years ago that I would rather have living plants than a dying bouquet, and that’s how our gardens came about. I feel love from Mark and from God our Creator when I walk among the flowers, scents, and hear the birds singing away.

Well, I finally ‘blew it’, my trying to handle this graciously. I got ‘ANGRY’ yesterday and yelled while crying. Sheesh! I vented some frustration, then told Mark and God I was sorry and went about my day. Before the angry outburst, I had walked around the property and just started bawling. Today I went into the workshop to get the socket wrench, I think that’s what it’s called to use to get a couple of pieces of hardware off the shed where that lattice had been attached. When I picked up the box of sockets I started bawling again. Grief is so heavy at times. It sits on my heart/chest, tears are ever ready to spill. I’m told the grief gets easier, not the missing, but the pain isn’t so raw after awhile. I call out to God for comfort and thank Him for everything. He is tenderly making me into a stronger lady. He hears my cries, He is bottling up my tears, He is healing my broken heart.

A little song keeps running through my head that I learned when I went to a Christian boarding school my sophomore year of high school. It was in Toccoa Falls, Georgia. We girls, freshman through seniors would be in our night clothes, sitting up and down the stairs and around the first floor, singing songs as part of our devotions for the evening. The voices were lovely as we sang in acapella. It is a song that I’ve never forgotten and have sung this quietly to myself through the years, and I sang this a couple of times for Mark during the last 4 months he was on this earth and now I sing it as a heartfelt prayer to God.  The name of the song is: “Thank You, Jesus" by John C. Hallett Ruth G. Hallett © 1948 Renewed 1976 Word Music, LLC

I have not been able to find this on you tube or anywhere so that I could share it here, as the melody and words are oh so lovely and really spoke to my heart as a teen, and all through the years, and still speak to my heart today as a widow.  The first part of this song, is all I could remember all these years.

Thank You, Jesus, for all You've done.
Thank You, Lord.
Thank You, Jesus, for vict'ries won,
O thank You, Lord.

For Thy love and tender care,
For Thy Word and answered prayer.
Thank You, Jesus, for all You've done.
Thank You, Lord.

***

Thank You, Jesus, for love like Thine.
Thank You, Lord.
Thank You, Jesus, for grace divine.
O thank You, Lord.

For Thy cross of Calvary,
For Thy blood that cleanseth me,
Thank You, Jesus, that Thou art mine.
Thank You, Lord.

I just finished a great book that I found at the library “Holding on to Hope ~ A pathway through suffering to the heart of God”, by Nancy Guthrie. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is hurting for any reason. No matter the depths of our despair, God is there for us to trust and lean on. That is so comforting. Through the worst of times He is drawing us to a closer relationship with Him.

Another book that I’m about half way through and is another good one to read is this: “Why? Trusting God When You Don’t Understand”, by Anne Graham Lotz.

That’s it for now from Plum Cottage.

FlowerLady

"God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame."

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

26 comments:

Balisha said...

Hi Lorraine,
What wonderful things are happening at your place. I love the way you are opening up your gardens so that the house can be seen more. It is so tidy now...You are smart to stop when your body tells you to.
It hasn't been that long since Mark died. Give yourself some more time to mourn. He was a big part of your life for a lot of years. It's OK to be angry...Anger is one of the steps of grief.
Have a nice evening.
Balisha

Christys Cottage Wildlife Garden said...

Hello. First I have to say the pot pies sound delicious...I love pot pies. You did such a great job on your pruning. It really looks nice. I agree that the awful hurt in your heart and the emptiness you are feeling will begin to fade with time. Hang in there, take it one day at a time, and keep doing what you love to do.

Jane said...

When my father died, my mother attended grief counseling classes and they taught her anger is part of the process, so don't feel bad about. I feel the same way as you do about plants versus flowers. Have a long way to go, though, before my yard is a bit of Eden like yours. Sending you a hug!

Jane

Rebecca said...

Lorraine, I know that song, too! Hadn't thought about it for a long, long time - but I am singing right now!

I really like seeing the before and after pictures here. I also appreciate your honest description of your tears, anger, grief, etc.

I'm pretty sure the combination of your garden's beauty, the physical labor required to keep it beautiful, and your determined efforts to be active are all part of the healing process.

Your pot pies sound delicious, by the way. Wish I could drop in and taste one :)

Bernie H said...

It sounds to me like you're dealing with your grief in the best possible way. Keeping active, tending your garden with great love and care, and tending your heart with soul with prayer, wise words and song. Don't forget you're in the prayers of many of your readers. We're all thinking of you.

You've already done such a great job in clearing out different parts of your garden. It's looking much tidier. Well done. Trimming back Bougainvillea is a horrid job. I know from personal experience.

Love the sound of your pot pie. I bet it was delicious.

sweetbay said...

You've done so much work in your garden! It looks great.

It's perfectly reasonable to be angry sometimes -- you've just lost your husband.

Susan said...

Hi Lorraine...I'm glad you are finding comfort in songs, books and of course, your garden. You are so wise to keep yourself busy but not hurrying to get things accomplished.

Your garden is looking nice and neat. I need to get myself out there and tackle a couple of big jobs myself. Take care.

Marti said...

Pot pie sounds wonderful, you may inspire me to make some too.

I think one reason I love gardening is because I can see God's hand at work there. I've always said that working in the garden is my exercise and my therapy. Quiet, peaceful time to think and work things out. I'm glad you have your garden to work in when you need some therapy. And I quite agree that anger is part of the grieving process. Let it out and let it help heal. My prayers are with you.

Skeeter said...

The Saint and I drove up to Tocca Falls one time a few years ago. It was beautiful up there and I know you must have enjoyed your stay. I feek in time your pain will ease as God is at your side through this. Being in the gardens and digging in the warm soil is such a good thing as it brings us back to earth. God Bless and take it one day at a time....

Gayle said...

I completely understand how healing working in the yard/gardens can be. You're a grown woman and I'm sure quite wise to not over do it. Quite a difference you made in things. So clean and fresh!!

June said...

Oh dear Lorraine, reading your post made me think of the book I just finished by C. S. Lewis called A grief Observed. I cried much of the way through it because it took me back to my own grieving process I went through at a time in my life. I am praying for you my dear. I can attest to the fact that it does get less painful, but it is a cycle and it is so strange what can put you back several steps when you think you are doing better. But thankfully, we don't grieve alone. The Lord is not far from us when we are in grieving and is always there to carry us when we need it.
sending warm hugs your way...

Nancy J said...

Lorraine, keep gardening, keep your faith, keep telling us how things really are, we will keep caring, sending hugs, words that might ease some of your loss and pain, keep in tune with the sun as it rises and sets, each day will be different. You are tackling so much and achieving even more,DH is there, smiling, telling you how proud he is. Fondest greetings, Jean.

lemonverbenalady said...

You are inspiring me each day, FL! Sending positive energy your way as always! xxoo LVL and The Herbal Husband

Mary Walker Designs said...

The yard looks great there was a building peeking out and then wow there it is! Thanks for sharing.

Ruth's Photo Blog said...

Some of the things you are describing are so singular to what I experienced. Let the tears come freely,even the anger and scheming. God understands and you need to get it out of your system.I was often so overcome with crying I thought I would choke,but I'm still here today,2 years later.May you find comfort in knowing that others care.

Rose ~ from Oz said...

Dearest Lorraine, what a topsy-turvy day you've had. The garden is looking wonderful, this physical activity helps so much and an added bonus is that you love this garden you and DH created together. Such a special special place.
Embrace your tears and your anger, they are part of the journey and dearest girl, its such early days.
Hugs
Rose

Karen said...

Oh, Lorraine, the garden looks so lovely. You are doing such a wonderful job. I am so proud of you!

Hugs and prayers go out to you, dear lady.

Lynn said...

This is a mild winter. Excellent for doing all the clean-up before summer hits. I do wonder if we will get hit with colder weather later this year than usual. The photo of ferns surrounding the base of the tree is particularly lovely. You made individual turkey pot pies. I made one humongous deep dish chicken pot pie. It always tickles me when across the miles our blog sisters have the same inspirations. My pan purchase this year was the little taco fluted pans. They are fun to bake and fill the “bowls” with good things. I’ve yet to try the cinnamon sugar recipe. Happy weed-whacking, Lorraine. It’s looking splendid.

eli said...

Your gardens remind me of home (Miami). . . and I love your before and after pictures.

Gardening is good for the soul, especially a soul in need of comfort.

Love and hugs,

eli

Annie said...

Just a question today...what is weed whacking?

Sandra said...

Oh sweet Lorraine, my heart really breaks for you and I wish I could give you a hug.

Grief is such a long process and such a rollercoaster of feelings. Don't ever feel bad for the way you're feeling or reacting, God knows how hard this is for you right now and He'll see you through it.

Do what you feel is best for you, if you want to tackle the whole garden then do so, if you want to just sit inside and relax then do that. You have to do what is best for YOU right now.

Sending you lots of hugs,
Sandra

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Everything looks beautiful.
I remember the song :)
Tears - let them flow
it is healing.
One day at a time
and rest
when you are tired...
The pot pie sounds good.

L. D. Burgus said...

When I lost my first wife, I had to deal with some guilt that I was moving on with my life. And yet my wife would have wanted me to do that. I do remember that the new journey is one where the new memories are all now yours. I can still look at pieces of furniture or items that remind me of that life but as I am now way beyond it I find the memories have blended. Take care and each day is a better day.

HolleyGarden said...

I find that the garden is a wonderful place for grieving. You can cry there all you need. I went through a rough time spiritually when my son died, and I turned away from God. I just could never find the silver lining, where I had always been able to before when going through rough times. I should read those books.

Dave@Gardeningonadime.com said...

Your hard work shows in the "after" pictures. The older I get the slower I garden. But, you know, the older I get the more I see in the garden. Gardens bring peace to the mind. Keep going to the garden.

Jillayne said...

I believe the best thing you can do when your world has been turned upside down is to do what pleases you. There will be enough bad days - it's only right you should be happy in what you do, as much as you can.
A very good friend of mine lost her to husband to cancer in less than a week from diagnosis to his passing. A friend of hers went to second hand store and bought a stack of cheap plates and then took my friend out to her barn and told her the plates were hers, to throw at the barn is she wished. She said it was the best darn therapy ever, and the whole time she threw them she could feel the pent-up anger leaving her.