Monday, December 10, 2012

A heartfelt thank you from me to all of you

Words cannot express how much all of your comments have touched me, deeply. The tears have been streaming down my cheeks as I’ve read them. I feel the love and support from all of you. The path doesn’t seem so dark and bleak, I don’t feel so alone. I want to read DH all of your comments but of course I can’t. He would be touched too.

It is 10:21 p.m. and I am getting very sleepy. I’ve been up since a little after two this morning. My friend Nanci took me out to do some things today, and we had lunch together at a nice little restaurant. This place fixes such ‘huge’ portions, so that I have enough for probably two more meals. It was good having her company, love and friendship. We talked about DH and I cried some more.

This has been quite the experience. The three months or so of caretaking of him made me think of others who do this when loved ones are ill or dying. It is hard, on you mentally, spiritually and physically. I wanted to make him better with all my heart and being. We did not know DH was dying, we thought he was going to get better. We thought he just had a damaged trap. muscle and that it was going to take time to heal. We had no idea that he had cancer, I found that out after the MRI and he coded and went home to his maker. I was shocked. I’m glad we didn’t know before hand, because we lived this time with hope in our hearts, even though he was getting weaker and weaker. He wanted to go and I had to let him go. It was hard.

Your love, prayers and support have helped me much today. They have given me strength to take each moment as it comes along.

After visiting other blogs and seeing the Christmas trees and other Christmas decorations, I decided to set up and decorate the ‘funky’ little tree we found  on Sept. 4th. This was after the horrific cramping in his neck, but he was still getting around. He had me pull over to the side of the road because he wanted to check out some stuff curbside on the other side of the street. While I was sitting there, I looked in the rearview mirror and couldn’t believe I saw what looked like a Christmas tree in the trash cans set out on my side of the street. I hadn’t seen that when we drove past. I jumped out of the car and walked back there to see and lo and behold, it was a whole tree, sitting beside the cans. I loved it and call it my ‘Charlie Brown’ Christmas tree. This was our last curbside shopping trip together.

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Here it is decorated with ornaments that are all handmade from ornie swaps at a forum called Country Life that I used to go to. It was a great little place with wonderful friendships made, but life happens, people moved on, and the place changed so I moseyed on off too.

We bought a string of LED lights last year, and in photos the blues are what is dominant, but in real life they aren’t. Weird. I used an angel bear for the top of the tree, it works for me.

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Get a load of this, before I started decorating, I thought I’m going to try the a.c. one more time. (Remember it pooped out, fan stopped working the end of August or Sept.)  Well, it’s been working fine for several hours now. I can’t believe it. So, I did the decorating in cool comfort. I have been sweating all day as it is very warm and humid down here, plus it’s probably from my stress too. DH would like the tree this year. He always liked what I did, he wasn’t into decorating himself, so left it up to me.  We have at least 4 different size trees now, so I can take my pick depending on my mood of the season. I think we  bought two, and found the other two curbside. Smile

I sure do miss his love and encouragement. His twinkle, his laugh, hearing his voice. I felt at peace decorating. I listened to a CD called Troubadour of the Great King, sang along and here I am. I look forward to waking up tomorrow to see the tree, to start a new day, trusting in God to be with me as I do what needs doing.

Thank you all again from my heart.

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady Lorraine

***

May Peace be your gift at Christmas

and your blessing all year through! 

Author Unknown

26 comments:

Val said...

Your tree is lovely, and you know I love your cozy little cottage as always.

I'm so glad you had a healing and good (if good is the word) time with your friend today. The lunch and leftovers have to be a help, I'm sure. It's nice to have a break from those kinds of chores sometimes.

The a.c. has to be a treat.

I hope you sleep well tonight.

More Hugs,

Val

Nancy J said...

Your Christmas tree, lights, teddy bear at the top, your DH will know all this and be smiling for you.Peace in your heart always. Fond greetings from Jean

Kit said...

Oh my dear friend, I haven't been able to get you out of my thoughts and reading this post has made me feel so connected and happy. I have been wondering how you were managing. I love your tree and I recognize a couple of ornies on it. :) You know when I found my new bench, I thought right away of you and your hubby. And I thought, "I learned how to curb side from the best.!" Thank you for coming in here and telling us all how you are. Take care, I love you! Kit (KK)

Terra said...

Peace to you too, and your trees are charming, and they are sweet reminders of your DH. How good your friend took you out to eat for a bit of healing company.

sharon said...

I am so proud of you going to lunch and decorating your tree...you are such a strong woman and DH would be proud of you.Peace and joy

Morning's Minion said...

Be kind to yourself in the coming weeks--I know many of us in blogland wish we could pop in to give you a hug.

Karen said...

Dear Lorraine, I woke up this morning and instantly thought of you. This came as such a shock; I knew you had said DH wasn't feeling very well, but never suspected anything like this. I'm still reeling.

I'm glad you were able to spend time with your friend. I love the little Christmas tree, and I know your DH would have been very pleased, too.

I am buoyed by your strength in the face of loss. I feel as if you are comforting me more than anything I can do for you. Please remember you are in my thoughts and prayers. Love and peace to you dear friend.

Becky said...

Your tree is wonderful. I'm so glad a friend was there for you in person and you got out for a bit with her.I'm up early this morning - work starts at 3 AM today. Have the best day you can today Lorraine.

Annie said...

The tree is beautiful, and "just right" DH would surely have loved it. Your strength is amazing and I am thinking of you across the seas. One day at a time. I lost my father around this time just 3 years ago. It seems like yesterday...I still miss him.

Gayle said...

I can't imagine what you are going through and I feel so helpless not being able to do something for you. You have been a wonderful "Internet Find" and I enjoy our time "together". I am so sorry for your sadness.

eli said...

Lorraine,

Your strength and faith is admirable to all, but especially us women. You've always been a source of inspiration to me, but watching you deal with one of life's hardest lessons with such stability and direction is truly incredible and not to be soon forgotten. I think it's a reflection of the solid relationship you had with both your DH and God.

Your ablity to touch so many of us via the written word is precious. It's so obvious that you are loved and thought of by many . . . .

Hugs,

eli

eli said...

. . . And I LOVE your Christmas tree!

gld said...

Dear Loraine, I am so sorry for your loss. I hadn't read blogs for a few days and was stunned to hear you lost your dear friend and husband. I can't express how sorry I am. I am reading past few postings and crying for you.

I will read it to my DH soon.

We never know when our time is called but I do believe you will see each other again.

God bless and keep you.

Antique ART Garden said...

Precious Charlie Brown tree, but prettier than one as you have it decorated so sweetly. You are still in shock right now, so be very, very gentle with yourself in all ways. And of course, DH is with you, as the love you had for so many decades, truly made him part of you. So if you are still here, he is still here. Big hug, love you! Gina

sweetbay said...

The Charlie Brown tree is great! It's good that you were able to go out with someone and share memories of your DH.

Taking care of someone who is ill is very hard. Right now DH's aunt is in the last stages of accelerated Parkinson's and her sister is taking care of her.

I'm glad that the two of you had that time in hope too, even as the ending must have been such a shock. Hope and grace are beautiful things and you have plenty of both to help you through this time.

Love and hugs,
Alicia

denimflyz said...

Good Morning.
I love the little tree, and the blue lights.
You know that you have all of our support and thoughts with you, no matter where we are. I wish I was closer, I would be there in a New York minute. My heart and soul is with you.
Love and Hugs my friend.

Susan said...

Hi FLowerlady...Your DH is smiling down on your precious little tree. You are truly an inspiration to me and to so many others. The strength of your faith will see you through, and of course, you can count on all your friends out here in the blogosphere. A BIG hug to you!

morning cup of coffee said...

Oh I am so sorry for your loss. Bless your heart. Your tree is lovely. God bless you.

Heather said...

The key to healing is living... good to see you doing little things to help you through this process, your DH would be proud and is smiling upon you! Hugs.

Lona said...

Your little tree is so lovely Lorraine. I am glad you had a day with your friend to talk it out. It does mean a lot at times like these. I know it is going to be hard for you for a while but it is a comfort when we will see our loved ones again someday. I hold onto that thought with gladness in my heart as I know you do as well. May Gods healing comfort and presence be with you at this time and know that you are loved, cared for and in our thoughts and prayers.

Sandra said...

This post brings me so much peace. You have not left my heart or thoughts since Sunday.

You're such an inspiration, so strong and of such faith. I admire you tremendously, always have but now even more than ever.

Still thinking of you and hoping you're doing well and are surrounded by love and support. I know your wonderful husband is smiling down on you.

Huge hugs,
Sandra
xoxoxo

Lynn said...

Memories of the day you found the tree are flooding back. You have transformed it into the tribute it represents. Sleep well.

~Gardener on Sherlock Street said...

Came back to this post to see your tree. Perfect. Can't believe the AC is on fine. So glad.

Autumn Belle said...

FlowerLady, looking at the Christmas tree is like having DH with you, having the things you both hold dear. Plants and flowers always bring back the happy cherished, moments. Both my parents are gone for years already, but their orchids are still living in my garden and with this, I feel their everlasting presence and continuity in this lifetime, never ever having left me. May the Good Lord bless and keep you and may the love of those around you help you through the days ahead.

Darcie said...

So glad you had a friend that could take some much needed time to be with you. I have thought about you so much this week, and you continue to be in my prayers.

Corner Gardener Sue said...

I love your Charlie Brown tree! I'm glad you found it when you two were curbside shopping.